Thanksgiving

Sometimes, I make things in life so much more complex then they need to be... I think about updating my blog but then think I need to make it so deep that it overwhelms me enough to keep me from just doing it. This weekend, I learned a valuable lesson from my 13 year old daughter.

Elisa was asked by our pastor to speak on Thanksgiving Sunday. She was asked to speak about something she is thankful for - the time limit was 1 to 3 minutes. Of course, since the "asking" came through me, I had definite ideas of what she could (in my mind "should") say. I imagined all kinds of great speeches she could give. However, every time I asked her if she knew what she wanted to say, she would be very vague. On Saturday night, I told her I'd get up with her in the morning to help her write it out - if you asked me, she clearly didn't know what she wanted to say or how she should say it. Sunday morning, Elisa got up early - before me - and wrote out what she wanted to say. When I got up, I asked her to practice what she wanted to say - at this point, I was still thinking that I knew what she should say. As she read what she'd written, tears formed in my eyes because what she'd expressed her thanks in a simple, sweet, & powerful way. Here's what she wrote:

"Friends", a simple word but with it comes many meanings. Proverbs says that a friend sticks closer than a brother. My definition is someone who you can trust, someone you can lean on and who will catch you when you fall. I know how hard it is to make friends when moving schools, towns, provinces, even countries. But, I have met wonderful people at ECC (Eaglemont Christian Church) who have become my friends. They comforted me while my mom was going through cancer. We have had a great relationship for 3 years and we support each other. While we have our ups and downs, they only make our friendship stronger. This is why I am thankful for my past, present, and future friends. Thank you!"

I loved it! I especially found that I was struck by the last statement: "I am thankful for my past, present, and future friends." What a great thought! How often do we think about being thankful for the people God "will" bring into our lives??? It's easy to be thankful for those who are currently in your life but how cool to think of the people who will be our friends in the future???

Thank-you, God, for my past, present, AND my future friends!

An anniversary...

Unfortunately, summer has barely made itself known to us this year. I'm am hoping and praying for more HOT days before the kids go back to school! I've been off most of the summer; although that brings financial challenges, it has given me valuable time with my girls - time that I know is worth so much more than money.

At times, I realize how much I missed out on over the past years with my girls. I'm not going to let the time just slip away any longer. Today, as I celebrate the anniversary of my first chemo treatment, I reflect on how blessed I am and just how precious and fleeting time really is.

I don't want life to pass me by in the "flurry of busy-ness"; I want to revel in the goodness and the challenges of each day. How about you?

This world is not our home

Today, I'm going to a funeral for a dear woman who reached 90 years of age. She is the Grandmother of my very good friends and I've known her my entire life. She lived a great life! She had 2 daughters, 7 grandchildren, & 20 Great-Grandchildren. I know that today will be sad for those who grieve her loss but it is also a time of celebration. Alice wanted to go home to the arms of Jesus for awhile; not just for the obvious reasons but also to be with her beloved husband, Clarence. What a reunion that must have been on Saturday!

Rest in Peace, Alice. You will be missed by many but we will meet again.

Tough love, tough times, & most of all triumphs...

Who said relationships are easy if you love each other??? I'd really like to know that person's definition of the word "easy"! My husband & I have had a very stressful few years as you may have guessed if you read the older blog posts or you know us personally. It's funny how stress works, though, it seems to affect people differently & at different times. A week or so ago, it was my husband's turn to lose it. He was feeling beaten down, unappreciated, & under-valued; mostly by me. YIKES! That's a tough pill to swallow. I've been working so hard to figure life out but here he was feeling left out & left in the dust. Ouch... hearing his anger & hurt was like a punch in the stomach - especially, when I honestly looked at myself and saw the truth in his words.

It hurts when someone calls us on our selfishness - however unintentional it may have been. The past week has been filled with many heart-to-heart conversations, much seeking after God for wise counsel & comfort, and many tears. We may not have everything figured out yet, we may still have tenuous moments, and we may still be a work in progress... but, I'm proud to say, there has been progress. We have a deep & abiding love for & commitment to each other, to God & to our children that we will cling to when times are rough.

As we continue to work through the mounds of unspoken words from the past couple of years, keep us in your prayers.

2nd Anniversary of my awakening...

Today marks the 2nd Anniversary of my cancer diagnosis. Truly, it is the 2nd anniversary of my awakening. Life was good before but life is so much better now. It's amazing how facing your mortality can really help you to gain perspective.

God has been so good to our family! We have learned to trust in Him more than ever (Prov. 3:5). We have learned that worrying does not help; we can not change the number of our days by worrying, God is in control & will care for all our needs (Matt. 6:25-34).

Our girls have grown so much in the past 2 years. They are amazing young women who've gone through too much for their young ages and shouldered too much responsibility yet they don't complain. Sherwin has been stoic through everything but every now & then I see a chink in his armour and know that the past couple of years have taken a toll on him. It saddens me greatly to see how he's tried to keep his concern from me but it pleases me that he truly believes God will take care of all of us.

My friends have been through so much with me; at times, I've felt like such a burden to those around me. Yet, through it all, they've loved me, comforted me, & supported me.

I am so blessed and pray that I never forget to honour this day... the anniversary of my awakening.

Rest, rest, rest...

Why is it so incredibly hard to just rest? I had my breast reconstruction surgery on 9 days ago and the surgery went well. For the most part, I felt great afterwards but had strict orders from my wonderful surgeon to REST! He told me: no sweeping, no vacuuming, no lifting over 10lbs, no stretching, basically... sit on your butt! Most of this applies for 6 weeks!!! How do you not sweep the floor when there's grass tracked in from the dogs & kids? How do you not vacuum when you were dumb enough to put in dark brown carpet that shows EVERYTHING? I'm trying, I really am.

The first really dumb thing I did was move a load of laundry from the washer to the dryer... seemed benign enough but boy oh boy did I pay for it that evening. I actually thought I'd popped some stitches. I've caught myself sweeping and heading for the vacuum. I really realized how serious this was when I did a team building session for the youth from our church going to the Ukraine on a missions trip; it hurt to erase the whiteboard. How lame is that?

Why is it so difficult to rest? God tells us that we need to rest; that our best work comes from a state of rest not a state of stress and "busy-ness". So, why is it so hard? I think our culture is one of "busy" - do you ever ask someone how they've been and they say "I'm incredibly well rested & balanced. I've had several free evenings this week."??? I can't remember the last time I heard a response like that. Most of the time it's "I've been sooooo busy". I hear myself say it all the time. You'd think over the last 2 years I would have learned the lesson of rest. I'm trying, I really am trying. All I can do is pray that God works on my heart & head so I know how to balance, how to work hard and rest well.

How about you? Do you really know how to rest?

Be Blessed.

Mountains into roads...

"I will turn all my mountains into roads, and my highways will be raised up." (Isaiah 49:11)

Tonight in my LPC course, Dr. Katie Brazelton blessed me with this verse from Isaiah. It was a huge blessing to me as I thought about all the mountains that have been in my way over the past few years and have been flattened into roads for me. Yesterday, was 2 years since the day I first noticed the lump in my breast. 2 YEARS!!! 2 YEARS!!! I can't believe how my life has changed in 2 short years. God has been right beside me caring for me, guiding me and bringing so many great people into my life!

On Tuesday, I will be under the knife yet again... this is the last surgery I have in the foreseeable future! I will certainly celebrate coming through one last dip in the road.

The highways are being raised up for me to cruise along the pathway to health, joy & purpose!

Thinking back over the past 2 years, causes me to smile with tears in my eyes. It is so nice to really be LIVING my life; I didn't even realize before that I was merely going through life. A subtle but enormous difference! How about you? Are you settling for going through life? or, are you truly LIVING your life.

Be blessed!

The Journey continues...

I really am so blessed! The past month has been absolutely crazy & wonderful! I completed my coaching course but have a few items to complete for my certification. I'm taking a second course through Life Purpose Coaching Centers and it completed the end of May. I'm hoping to take on a couple of coaching clients by the fall; it's such a great process and I can't wait to walk along side other women searching for their purpose & calling in life!

I've had some really exciting opportunities in the past few weeks. With MGI, I've run a couple of events - a half day event with the City of Edmonton, a training event for JCI Edmonton and a full day solo gig. Plus, I've worked several opportunities with Rick (Ryan was in Peru for 3 weeks). I've also done a couple of opportunities with churches: I worked with our Pastor's council and spoke at a Mother's Day brunch in High Prairie at my friend's church (thanks, again for the opportunity, Juanita!). God has been so good to me!

We started our teen girls group (Head-to-Soul Makeover) on April 20. Thank God for Janelle! She was instrumental in taking the vision I've had for so long and really putting it into a reality. We have 17 girls age 12-14 both from our church & from the community. We are about half way through the program and it's been a great success so far. Personally, I've found it to be a blessing and learning experience for me. In addition to Janelle & I, we have an amazing team: Christine, Cindy, Paige, Louise, & sometimes Ashley. I'm so grateful to be surrounded by these great women!

On the home front, things are active (to say the least). Elisa & Aphia are playing spring league basketball which has meant 2 games & 1 practice most weeks since early April. Sherwin is coaching the team and they are all having a ball! I'm so proud of my girls; they are playing awesome together this year. The team is often playing with only 6 or 7 players so all the girls play hard and have fun. It's inspiring to watch the team play with so much heart and great attitudes. Blyss started soccer the beginning of May. She plays on Saturday mornings and was very proud to have stopped 3 shots on net during her first scrimmage & kicked the ball 3 times in her 2nd scrimmage. She gets to play with her friend, Keenan, so she's pretty happy about that.

Last week, I realized that May 6 was the 20year anniversary of my High School grad. It seems impossible that it's been 20 years, yet, so much of my life has happened in the past 20 years - so much really great stuff as well as some pretty tough stuff. Over all, I feel so incredibly grateful for the life God has given me. I have an amazing husband & 3 terrific girls not to mention a great family & countless precious friends.

What are you thankful for? What keeps you going?

Plans & Purpose

" 'For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the Lord. 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call up on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.' " Jeremiah 29:11-13

Well, it's been a month since my last blog entry (the date says Mar. 17 because that's when I first started it...) Clearly, it too me much longer than I intended to get it completed but, that's life sometimes. :-)

So, I left off saying I'd talk about my spiritual journey during the past 2 years. When I was diagnosed with breast cancer, I was scared but, I still knew that my life... every moment of it, every breath of it, was counted by my Creator. I knew that I could run to my heavenly Father for solace & comfort. Was I good at doing that up to that point in my life, sadly, no. But, facing my mortality definitely did that for me. I knew that instantly a multitude of prayers were being said for me and that God was listening.

As I walked through the months of surgery & chemo, I spent a lot of time reading, praying and getting wise counsel about what my purpose in life really was. What was my "divine" calling? What did God want for my life? I know that God has given us the ultimate gift of free will, but, He still has a unique purpose and path for each of us, I desperately wanted to know mine.

I knew that my life's purpose would be working with and (hopefully) inspiring people. It would be helping people to achieve a better understanding of others and relationships. I also believed that my love of public speaking, team building, and mentoring would also be a part of this plan.

I reconnected with a Rick from MGI who I'd taken training from in 2002. I had long believed it was the best training experience I'd ever had and it was useful both professionally & personally from the moment you leave the training; at the time when we reconnected during my chemo, I had no idea how or if MGI would fit into my future.

In February 2008, just before I went back to work, I was invited by a church in Edmonton to speak to a group of about 100 girls aged 11-17 about my experience with cancer, self-esteem & beauty. It was an incredible honour and blessing to me. God used the opportunity to show me that my dreams were possible. However, when I got back to work in March of 2008, after months of hoping for a divine epiphany, I was a little bit frustrated but still intent on discovering what my future direction would be. A few months later, I was invited to lead a workshop at a Women's conference; yet another small nudge.

To make a long story short, through much prayer, discussion and self-discovery, I realized that I really did want to pursue team building, facilitation, leadership development and speaking. Over the months, Rick & I had stayed in touch and over the months that followed, I had the opportunity to work a bit with Rick & Ryan (his son & business partner). Again, confirmation that it was something that was a fit for me and I truly loved it. So, December 31, 2009 was my last official day with Long View Systems after over 6 great years. Leaving was bittersweet for me because Long View really was so good to me but, I was excited to be going to follow my dreams.

Since January 2009, I've been contracting full-time with MGI. I really enjoy working with Rick & Ryan; we have a great rapport and balance each other nicely. It has been a true blessing to my family that I now stay home until the kids are off to school and get home around 3:30pm. Rick has been in business 25 years and believes strongly in putting family & health first. I've had great opportunities with MGI and a few outside of MGI, too. I've learned so much and God keeps showing me that He has wonderful things in store for me and my family.

Another area that is moving forward is the class for teen girls on self-esteem, etc. When I was a teen, my mom arranged for a class in Camrose and my sister and I attended; it was such a great influence in my life and with 3 daughters, I've wanted to do a similar thing for teen girls. Over a year ago, I shared this vision with my friend, Janelle, and we've had many discussions about it. Well, April 19/09 will be the kick off of our inaugural class. We have several wonderful women helping us out and we are basing it around curriculum by Dr. Katie Brazelton & Shelley Leith called "Head-to-Soul Makeover". It is a 10 week class focused on character and based around current TV reality shows. We pray it will be a blessing for these girls.

During my search for the curriculum (we'd been told about it by one of the ladies helping out), I came upon Life Purpose Coaching Centers International founded by Dr. Katie Brazelton. I felt a nudging to look into what they offered as curriculum. Within a week, I found myself registered for a coaching course starting April 2 and being taught by Dr. B. herself!!! It only gave me about 2 weeks before the course began. As a part of the course, I had to hire a coach which has been a great blessing for me. Dr. Hopelyn Brown is fantastic and I'm learning so much. Through LPCCI, there are several levels of courses I can take and, I'm thinking I probably will eventually. I wasn't really looking for this but, God surprises us sometimes with just what we need to take the next step.

I don't know what else is in store for me and sometimes I'm plagued with self-doubt and worry BUT, thanks to wise counsel, I'm learning to be watch & listen for confirmations that I'm moving in the right direction. I'm learning to step out boldly to embrace the gifts and talents God has given me. Is my path completely clear? No. But, little by little, bit by bit, it is being revealed and I'm learning to revel in the journey.

What little surprises are out there waiting for you? What is your unique purpose in life?

3 Short Movies...

I decided to share these 3 short videos that I did over the 1st year of my diagnosis. The first one was for Thanksgiving 07 right before my 3rd round of chemo (the 1/2 way point), the second one was for Christmas 07 right before my 6th (& last) round of chemo, and the last video was from the 1 yr anniversary of my diagnosis. I guess they are pretty much self explanatory :-)

"...a time to heal..."

"A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up." (Ecclesiastes 3:3)

So... 6 weeks after my mastectomy, it was time to start chemotherapy. Lots of people have asked me why chemo? Well, the oncologist told us that my tumor was a grade 3 out of 3 aggressiveness so - pretty much as aggressive as it could be. Add that to the fact that I was 35 years old (which is still considered "young" in the world of Breast Cancer), I had 2 strikes against me. Then, there was the fact that the pathology that said I had a "triple negative tumor" (estrogen & progesterone receptor negative - ER/PR and Her2/neu negative) meaning that neither Tamoxifan nor Herceptin would be viable options for my long term treatment. Fortunately, I had opted for a mastectomy immediately so they got clear margins (enough tissue without cancer cells) so I did not need to undergo radiation. The final strike against me was the fact that my aunt on mom's side had breast cancer (same pathology) and my maternal Grandmother had died of ovarian cancer. It was enough for the geneticist to deem that I had "hereditary breast & ovarian cancer syndrome". And so a path of treatment was set...

I was sceduled for a 6 round protocol of what is called "FEC" (fluorouracil, epirubicin, cyclophosphamide). A "round" is a 21 day cycle where day 1 is the day you get the drugs via IV and day 21 is the day before you go again. This also entails a blood test to check your neutrophils (a component of your white blood cells) if the neutrophils are at acceptable levels, you get your next round, if not, you wait another week. I won't go into great detail about my time going through chemo at this point but suffice to say, my body did not rebound quickly and all of my treatments were 4 weeks apart. They did try a drug called "neulasta" to help super-charge my bone marrow but my nurse practitioner said I was only the 2nd person they'd ever seen at the Cross Cancer institute whose body did not respond to the $2700/injection treatment. Go figure!

Anyway, let me back up for a minute... the FEC protocol guarantees the loss of hair - all of it! So, on August 11/07 just 2 days before I was to start chemotherapy, I decided to have a "pre-chemo head-shaving party". I invited my family and many friends. Our house was jam packed that night. Much to Janelle's chagrin, I enlisted her to pre-emptively shave my head. I just couldn't bear the thought of waiting for it to fall out. We had fun with it and I felt good about my decision.

Chemo started on August 13 and my last IV was on December 17/07. Each visit was about 3 hours and, fortunately, I did not have to do it alone. I was very blessed to have friends or family with me for most of my visits to the Cross; whether for blood tests or chemo. Sherwin came the first & second time but I let him off the hook the remaining 4 :-) Elisa really wanted to see it so she came the 2nd round but was bored silly by 1/2 way through. My friend, Kristen, came from Victoria for a week to be with me for round 3 and helped my family for a week. Lisa came from Ontario for round 4. This was an incredible blessing to my family and me; we felt so thankful to their families for letting them come help us. Sheri, a friend since college, sat through round 5 with me and kept me laughing for 3 hours. Miriam, a new friend, helped the time for round 6 disappear in no time! Through the entire experience of chemo, numerous friends & family members did more than I could ever recount to help us. Our Church family surrounded us with love, Long View supported us, new friends were made and old friends were helpful; we couldn't have made it without them. Laurel was there for the 1st round of chemo and she showed up with a supportive card before every round. Janelle, Sandra, & Susan were always there to help with the girls or just have coffee & conversation. I met so many new people who opened their hearts to me and helped me through; I met Jessica who was going through the same thing as me and we were able to support each other. The teachers at school who were so supportive of our girls - the list goes on and on...

Medically, there were numerous "issues" such as a bout with pneumonia resulting in a 3 day hospital stay, trouble with IVs resulting in a PIC line, lack of response to meds, etc. BUT, mostly, those felt minor to me. The loss of my hair was even minor to me (the worst part was losing my nose hair - you have no idea how useful nose hair is until you don't have it!!!!) I thought it would be a big deal but, I had fun with it. I especially enjoyed how quickly I could change my look and how quickly I could get ready to go out!

Emotionally, there were a few bumps in the road; most notably, after my bout with pneumonia. When I came home from the hospital, we found out from Elisa's teacher that she'd been crying at school because she believed it was her fault I'd gotten sick (she'd had a cold). It broke my heart that she took this on herself. It was also shortly after my bout with pneumonia that I broke down. I felt so completely broken; physically, emotionally & mentally. Fortunately, I just didn't let myself stay in that spot for long mostly due to the support I had from Sherwin and other friends.

That pretty much sums up the journey from a mainly physical experience. My next post will be more about the spiritual journey I underwent as a result of my diagnosis; it's the real reason I'm even writing this and the reason that I truly see my cancer as a blessing in my life.

Until next time... God Bless.

"A time to cry..."

"A time for cry and a time to laugh. A time to grieve and a time to dance."
(Ecclesiastes 3:4)

(I'll apologize up front for the length of this post)

As I talked about in my previous post, 11 months after our move to the Edmonton area, our world was shaken.

On the Sunday night of the May 2007 long weekend, I was snuggling with Blyss (then 3 years old). She was being silly and decided to "steamroller" over me. I put my hand across my chest as protection and noticed something that felt like a lump. But, it couldn't be, could it??? It had to have been my imagination. My first instinct was panic & tears but I didn't want to scare my daughter. However, when Sherwin walked in, it was another story; I couldn't control the fear that was threatening to envelop me. Sherwin is a very calm, not overly emotional but very gentle person. He just held me and reassured me that everything was fine; don't panic, God would be with us... blah, blah, blah... at least that's what I heard, I new in my head he was 100% right but I just needed my moment of panic. I didn't have a doctor yet (I'd been too busy since moving to think of it) but I called a friend who pulled some strings at her husband's clinic and got me in for the Tuesday.

The doctor reassured me (based on statistics) that it was unlikely to be cancerous then proceeded to examine me. However, as he checked the lump, he said "something doesn't seem quite right, it could be nothing but let's get it checked out."

Friday, May 25/07, I had a mammogram & ultrasound. Heidi and one of my closest friends, Laurel, came to my appointment with me. Any woman who has been through a mammogram knows that to say it's "uncomfortable" is a gentle but add the fact that you're 35 and having it because you have a lump in your breast, and the discomfort is the least of your concerns. The radiologist recommended a biopsy. It was scheduled for a biopsy on June 11/07 - just over 2 weeks from my mammogram. The wait was tough!

Monday, June 18, 2007 at 1:30pm my doctor looked at me and said "there is no easy way to say this but, you have breast cancer. I'm so sorry." I was in shock. I literally felt like I was watching a TV show. I cried for a bit but quickly pulled myself together. By the time I got back to the office, I got a call from the doctor's office - my appointment with the surgeon was the next day. WHAT?!?!? Could this really be happening?

I started making phone calls. So many tears... it was so hard to for everyone who loved me. I spent much of the time comforting others. Then, to tell our girls. Elisa (10) just looked at me and barely responded; Aphia (8) cried and held on to me; Blyss (3) really didn't get it.

Tuesday, June 19, with my parents by my side, the surgeon explained my options: lumpectomy or left-side mastectomy. He believed the tumour was growing rapidly and wanted to schedule surgery for Friday - yes, that's right, Friday of the same week. I decided on a mastectomy.

Wednesday, June 20, the day I had to tell my team that I would be off indefinitely and why. Shock overwhelmed the group. I was pretty much walking away from all my responsibilities at work - I felt so guilty. I remember thinking "at least with maternity leave, I had time to prepare and hand things off in a well planned out fashion."

Thursday, June 21, the plethora of appointments & tests started at 8am; my friend, Sheri, came from Calgary to be with me.

Elisa, who hadn't talked much since we told her about the cancer asked if she could talk to me. She said "so, what exactly is the procedure for tomorrow?" I explained the surgery as simply as possible. Her next question broke my heart; with big tears in her eyes, she asked me "does this run in families?" I told her that hopefully, by the time she has to think of about it, there would be a cure.

As I was putting Blyss to bed, I told her that I wouldn't be able to carry her for a few weeks. She asked me why so I told her that the doctor was going to cut off my breast to take away the yucky cancer. She asked me when I would get a new "booby". At the time, I didn't understand how long everything would take so I said "hopefully, by Christmas time". She looked at me dead serious and said, "well, Santa can bring you a booby but he's bringing me a kitty." I couldn't help but laugh - it felt great to laugh and I realized, I hadn't laughed much that week.

Friday, June 22, surgery day... up until that point, I'd never even had stitches! By the time I came out of surgery, my parents, Heidi, Sherwin, & Susan were all there. I felt pretty good coming out of surgery and we managed to call about 20 people between my sister & I in less than 10 minutes - that's when the nurse caught us using our cell phones and put an end to it :-) I had a number of visitors to the hospital on Friday afternoon & evening. It was great! And, I was feeling pretty good.

Saturday, June 23, I was home with orders to take it easy for 6 weeks - no lifting, no vacuuming (shucks!), no overdoing it at all.

The next few days brought many visitors (from as far away as Ontario) as well as many plants, flowers, gift baskets & meals. My employer provided us with a number of frozen meals and our Church mobilized numerous people to provide us with hot, cooked meals for the first week. I felt overwhelmingly loved and blessed.

My life was changing... so fast, so crazy fast. You know what I realized, though, not once did I think "why me". I credit that, at least in part, to seeing my Aunt handle her breast cancer with grace, steadfast faith & humour. I knew I was in for the ride of my life; what did God have in store for me?

"There's a time for everything..."

"There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the sun" (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

Well, after much prodding, I've decided the time is now to start a blog regardless of how incompetent I feel at this moment. But, I guess that's what learning is all about, moving from incompetence to competence, ignorance to enlightenment.

This is a season in my life where I feel like I'm finally, not only seeking, but also, discovering God's will for my life. This time in my life has come about through a progression over the past few years; culminating in many changes for my family & me.

I'll start by telling you a little about myself. I am from a wonderful family: sister, brothers, & loving parents who have been married for almost 39 years (an incredible love story but I'll save that for another post). I have a terrific husband (Sherwin) whom I met in college over 18 years ago - we've been married for 14 1/2 years and have 3 beautiful daughters age 12, 10 & 5. I did well in school but always planned to grow up, get married & stay home with my kids; college & university were just "something you did" when it was easy.

That wasn't how things worked out for me.

After finishing my degree in English with a PR focus, I "fell" into a career in Information Technology (IT) where I rapidly moved into the leadership ranks. Honestly, I never really cared about IT. I cared about people, customer service and did have an ability to understand the IT world. It didn't take long for my passion for people to really take over and helped me gain a reputation for building strong teams. It was instinct and intuition and a little luck at first. However, I took a 1 day team building course through work after a merger we were involved in. It was amazing! It gave me so much. The course helped me understand my strengths and the strengths of others but more than that, it articulated so much of what I "felt" regarding team & leadership. It impacted me so much that I spent my own money to take a 4 day course. I believe this course helped me immensely over the next 6 years as I worked for arguably the best IT company around (Long View Systems).

My career at Long View was rewarding and filled with growth, great people and opportunity. It was also a phenomenally fast-paced and fast-growth company which meant LOTS of work and stress. As part of the management team, I was privileged to work with the most incredibly group of talented and caring people - who were also all over-achievers. We set the bar high and loved to raise the bar. My personality is such that I am so afraid of letting people down so I kept giving all I had. I lived and breathed work but didn't even realize it. My husband & girls were the ones who got the short-end of the stick. They were remarkably patient (which is what I came to expect) but, I didn't even stop long enough most times to realize all I'd missed. Bear in mind, my job never "made" me work like this, it was just what happened. It was a slow-fade.

Anyway, time marched on and I was offered a transfer from Calgary to Edmonton to help get the new branch off the ground. Since Edmonton was so much closer to my family, we opted to take it. Knowing this would mean a lot of work for the first few months for me, Sherwin took a 1/2 time role so that he could be home with the kids to help with the transition. The move was great for us in so many ways: the team in Edmonton was AWESOME, the community we moved to couldn't have been better, my family was close by and Sherwin got to coach again. I, of course, fell into my workaholic, afraid to disappoint, somewhat competitive ways and worked A LOT. So much that I put my marriage at serious risk and felt at a loss as to how to fix it.

And then, about 11 months after we relocated, our world was shaken to the core....

But, that story is for next time. I'm so tired I can barely keep my eyes open.

Until next time, God Bless.