"...a time to heal..."

"A time to kill and a time to heal. A time to tear down and a time to build up." (Ecclesiastes 3:3)

So... 6 weeks after my mastectomy, it was time to start chemotherapy. Lots of people have asked me why chemo? Well, the oncologist told us that my tumor was a grade 3 out of 3 aggressiveness so - pretty much as aggressive as it could be. Add that to the fact that I was 35 years old (which is still considered "young" in the world of Breast Cancer), I had 2 strikes against me. Then, there was the fact that the pathology that said I had a "triple negative tumor" (estrogen & progesterone receptor negative - ER/PR and Her2/neu negative) meaning that neither Tamoxifan nor Herceptin would be viable options for my long term treatment. Fortunately, I had opted for a mastectomy immediately so they got clear margins (enough tissue without cancer cells) so I did not need to undergo radiation. The final strike against me was the fact that my aunt on mom's side had breast cancer (same pathology) and my maternal Grandmother had died of ovarian cancer. It was enough for the geneticist to deem that I had "hereditary breast & ovarian cancer syndrome". And so a path of treatment was set...

I was sceduled for a 6 round protocol of what is called "FEC" (fluorouracil, epirubicin, cyclophosphamide). A "round" is a 21 day cycle where day 1 is the day you get the drugs via IV and day 21 is the day before you go again. This also entails a blood test to check your neutrophils (a component of your white blood cells) if the neutrophils are at acceptable levels, you get your next round, if not, you wait another week. I won't go into great detail about my time going through chemo at this point but suffice to say, my body did not rebound quickly and all of my treatments were 4 weeks apart. They did try a drug called "neulasta" to help super-charge my bone marrow but my nurse practitioner said I was only the 2nd person they'd ever seen at the Cross Cancer institute whose body did not respond to the $2700/injection treatment. Go figure!

Anyway, let me back up for a minute... the FEC protocol guarantees the loss of hair - all of it! So, on August 11/07 just 2 days before I was to start chemotherapy, I decided to have a "pre-chemo head-shaving party". I invited my family and many friends. Our house was jam packed that night. Much to Janelle's chagrin, I enlisted her to pre-emptively shave my head. I just couldn't bear the thought of waiting for it to fall out. We had fun with it and I felt good about my decision.

Chemo started on August 13 and my last IV was on December 17/07. Each visit was about 3 hours and, fortunately, I did not have to do it alone. I was very blessed to have friends or family with me for most of my visits to the Cross; whether for blood tests or chemo. Sherwin came the first & second time but I let him off the hook the remaining 4 :-) Elisa really wanted to see it so she came the 2nd round but was bored silly by 1/2 way through. My friend, Kristen, came from Victoria for a week to be with me for round 3 and helped my family for a week. Lisa came from Ontario for round 4. This was an incredible blessing to my family and me; we felt so thankful to their families for letting them come help us. Sheri, a friend since college, sat through round 5 with me and kept me laughing for 3 hours. Miriam, a new friend, helped the time for round 6 disappear in no time! Through the entire experience of chemo, numerous friends & family members did more than I could ever recount to help us. Our Church family surrounded us with love, Long View supported us, new friends were made and old friends were helpful; we couldn't have made it without them. Laurel was there for the 1st round of chemo and she showed up with a supportive card before every round. Janelle, Sandra, & Susan were always there to help with the girls or just have coffee & conversation. I met so many new people who opened their hearts to me and helped me through; I met Jessica who was going through the same thing as me and we were able to support each other. The teachers at school who were so supportive of our girls - the list goes on and on...

Medically, there were numerous "issues" such as a bout with pneumonia resulting in a 3 day hospital stay, trouble with IVs resulting in a PIC line, lack of response to meds, etc. BUT, mostly, those felt minor to me. The loss of my hair was even minor to me (the worst part was losing my nose hair - you have no idea how useful nose hair is until you don't have it!!!!) I thought it would be a big deal but, I had fun with it. I especially enjoyed how quickly I could change my look and how quickly I could get ready to go out!

Emotionally, there were a few bumps in the road; most notably, after my bout with pneumonia. When I came home from the hospital, we found out from Elisa's teacher that she'd been crying at school because she believed it was her fault I'd gotten sick (she'd had a cold). It broke my heart that she took this on herself. It was also shortly after my bout with pneumonia that I broke down. I felt so completely broken; physically, emotionally & mentally. Fortunately, I just didn't let myself stay in that spot for long mostly due to the support I had from Sherwin and other friends.

That pretty much sums up the journey from a mainly physical experience. My next post will be more about the spiritual journey I underwent as a result of my diagnosis; it's the real reason I'm even writing this and the reason that I truly see my cancer as a blessing in my life.

Until next time... God Bless.