My trip to Africa profoundly impacted me in many ways; some are so personal, I can't even begin to write about them but others I'm excited to share. I walked away from the experience knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that I will go back to Africa, I feel a deep connection with the people and what God is doing there. I also realized that my life had once again become completely out-of-control crazy; this feeling was compounded by the fact that I was back on the road for work a mere 39 hour after arriving back in Edmonton. The worst part, I had the opportunity to not work those first days but I was so worried about making up for the income we didn't have while I was away that I was stubborn.
Suffice to say, the first days after I came back caused major strife in my home. You'd think that after being away for so long, everyone would be "blissfully happy and harmonious". Well, it wasn't like that at all. I needed time to digest the experience but I also had the demands of 3 kids, 1 husband, and a job pulling at me. If you know me at all or have read my earliest blogs, which do you think won the fight??? My job. I guess, that part of me that feels that my family will understand and I had work commitments to up hold took over again. Within a few days, the pressure cooker exploded. I won't go into gory details but my life felt like it was falling apart around me. I cried so much over the span of a couple of days, I felt like I wouldn't be able to move. How I got through 4 straight days of workshops, I still have no idea.
But, out of my anguish, God showed me the image of a beautiful garden that had been left unattended for too long. There were weeds and thistles of hurt, neglect, and distrust. It hurt when I realized this was where I was heading with my family. But God is good, and He also showed me that He wanted me to tend the garden of my blessings with my whole being for a season to nurture it back to health and beauty. He showed me that once it was healthy, the tending becomes simpler as long as it has consistent attention and care. He showed also impressed upon me that my family is like a precious gift that He has given me that I have kept in the pretty box and put on my shelf to look at and play with occassionally but that He wants me to enjoy the gift, not just admire it, to love it and treasure it.
Talk about bring me to my knees and making me face the reality of my own self-centeredness - I'd been on such a mission to find my purpose that I'd ended up neglecting a big part of my purpose - my family. Can you say "HUMBLING"? I did take this very seriously, though, and stepped back from work immediately. I continued with the commitments I'd made but everything else was back burner to my family and home. While none of this made sense to the human brain from a financial perspective (and trust me, it's been tough), I knew it was the right thing to do.
While I won't profess to be "Susie homemaker", I definitely have made huge strides to creating the home for my family that was always in my heart. I'm pleased to say that the garden is starting to bloom again.
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